Knockin on Heaven's Door
by Six-Helix
Summary: When someone from Neal's past shows up, Neal finds himself knocking on the door he isn't ready to see yet.
1. Chapter 1

Knockin' on Heaven's Door

I do not own White Collar.

**Peter's POV**

It had started just as any day should start, pretty calm. Well except for the nagging at the back of Peter's mind, usually that nagging was given by Neal but there was something else lurking back there. He was biting his lip as he waited for Caffrey to show up, he was late not something that the young con usually was. Peter sighed and stood up moving out of his office and over to the rail of the small platform that overlooked the bullpen of the white collar crime offices. Everything seemed in place, everyone was moving in the rhythm associated with working in close proximity with the same people for a while. It was smooth, easy, it was completely right but why then did it feel so wrong?

The vibrating of his phone in his pocket brought him from his thoughts and he looked at the caller id long enough to know it was Neal, "Caffrey you better get your ass…" There was no response on the other end of the line, no witty remark, no breathing, nothing. "Neal?" He waited a second before leaning over the rail, "Jones pull up Caffrey's tracking data." Now he was going back to the phone, "Neal? Are you alright?" Still nothing and then there was a grunt, then what sounded like a pop and the phone had gone dead.

Now he knew why he'd felt so wrong, something was wrong. He leaned into his office, grabbed his shoulder holster with his gun and his jacket and slipped them on as he moved to Jones' desk. "Let's see it already." The tracking data pulled up, the GPS dot that represented Neal was moving slowly in the direction of his own home. "Get a unit out to my house, we'll move to intercept on the way there. Let's go, something isn't right." Peter grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialed his wife.

"_Hey honey, I was just thinking about you."_

"El, are you home?"

"_Yeah, what's wrong Peter?"_

"Something isn't right with Neal, we're following his anklet and it shows he's going to the house. If he comes to the door, just wait until the unit rolls up. I don't want you taking any chances."

"_What do you mean taking any chances, Peter its Neal he wouldn't do anything to…"_

"I know, just trust me alright?"

"_Alright, I'll call you if he comes to the door."_

He let out a breath and disconnected the call; this wasn't a good day after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Knockin' On Heaven's Door

**Neal's Point of View**

The day started out like any other day did, he had his coffee on the terrace with June then ducked inside to get dressed to go the FBI offices. He wasn't expecting the surprise he got when he stepped inside the bedroom though, and he wasn't expecting the pain associated with it either. When he opened the door he saw her sitting there, she looked pale, withdrawn, and he'd guess that she'd been sick. Prison did that to people. He had a moment to lick his lip before she pulled the silenced gun from under his sheets and let off a round. He grunted and fell back hitting the door before sliding to sit on the floor. Pain seared into his shoulder and radiated down his chest, he'd guess that his fingers would hurt too but all he felt was a dull numbness and a soft throbbing.

"Ah, Neal I'm so sorry it came to this but remember the old saying. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you. Fool me three times, and well it isn't your fault really. You couldn't know that I'd be so vengeful after Venice now could you?" She stepped towards him and leaned down, fingers running across his forehead. "Pity to have to do this to you and that nice lady downstairs, you really were the right guy. Too bad you made an error in judgment."

"Assunta…I thought you'd rot in jail by now." She pulled back and punched him in the stomach causing him to double over and wheeze.

"Oh I couldn't let you win now could I Neal? As it stands, I'm not going to kill you out right. That'd be too simple for you now wouldn't it?" She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his ear before pulling back enough to whisper, "Besides, I love watching you squirm."

He felt her move him, he knew he was in motion but he just couldn't focus. Everything was spinning and becoming out of focus. He tried closing his eyes, tried making everything come back to the surface but it just wouldn't. Slowly his mind spun into blackness and he was unconscious.


	3. Chapter 3

Knockin' On Heaven's Door

**June's POV**

Having not slept much the night before today wasn't the best when June decided to brew the customary coffee and get breakfast ready for her and Neal. Sighing lightly and much without her normal air she moved to the balcony and placed the plates and mugs in their rightful places on the patio table, it had become a daily ritual that she wasn't going to let die despite the feeling that it was unimportant on this day in particular.

Neal had entered in his typical fashion; he was freshly out of the shower and only partially dressed in pajama pants and a simple t-shirt. She offered of a soft smile but he had noticed she was distracted and the young man simply leaned over and placed a hand on her arm.

"Is everything alright June?"

"Yes, just one of those mornings."

"You typical don't have one of those mornings, you sure you're doing alright?"

"I didn't sleep well last night, I'm sure it will pass with some good food and better company." He was a good man and she couldn't help but feel better by his presence. She sighed again and moved to take a sip of her coffee.

The rest of the breakfast carried on much in silence, Neal looked over the newspaper she'd brought and when all was said and done she gathered everything and moved downstairs to start washing the mugs and plates. She was in the middle of doing the second mug when she heard something thump on the ceiling, craning her head in the direction of the stairs she looked up. That wasn't like Neal, usually he moved very silently and then she heard the door to his bedroom open and slam shut. Frowning she moved towards the staircase, pausing to pull a cane from the umbrella pot in the hallway.

Byron had taught her important lessons in his life, one of which was that if something appeared suspicious then it most often was. She readied the cane in her hands and waited, there was a series of thumps and then Neal fell hard on the floor at the base of the stairs. She had the urge to run to him but she held her ground, Neal looked to be unconscious and that doesn't happen by just falling down the stairs plus he was still in the clothes he'd worn on the terrace. There was a creak heard from the staircase, from that she knew they were almost in sight because the creaky step was the fourth one from the base and just behind the wall.

Pulling the cane back she waited; saw the barrel of a gun, then hands and then forearms. Finally she swung upwards and landed a solid hit in the woman's chin. She was knocked back and fell slamming her head against the steps behind her and sliding down to land feet first into Neal. When she slid to a stop June moved and knelt beside Neal, hands moving to roll him onto his back slowly.

"Neal?" She hadn't immediately noticed the blood that had seeped into his shirt from the gunshot wound to his shoulder, so when she felt the warm fluid on her fingers she was a bit panicked. "Oh dear, Neal? Come on Neal, wake up." She slid an arm under him and pulled him to rest against her chest, cradling much like a mother would a small child. Fishing into his pockets she pulled up his phone and dialed Peter.

"_Caffrey you better get your ass…" _June was about to respond when the young woman she'd hit with the cane pointed the gun at her, she took in a breath and lowered the phone.

"_Neal?"_ She could hear the concern in Peter's voice and she knew that he'd find Neal, he'd help him. She wasn't afraid of this young woman, or of the woman's gun. It wasn't her first rodeo as they say.

"_Neal, are you alright?" _Neal was stirring in June's arms; he shifted and put pressure on June causing her to fall. When the landed he grunted and the phone went flying, Assunta fired at the movement aiming for June but taking out a rather expensive pot instead. When the phone it the floor Assunta was working on aiming at Neal at the same time he was working on wrestling the gun from her hands.


	4. Chapter 4

Knockin' On Heaven's Door

**Assunta POV**

Couldn't get the thought of Neal freaking Caffrey off her mind, she just couldn't do it no matter how hard she tried and it unnerved the hell out of Assunta Celebrezze. The Venice job had gone poorly, well far worse than poorly for her. She had been caught by the Italian Authorities and thrown into prison for a two year stint; it took another year for her to get back on her feet and now she was here lying in wait to get back at the man who had caused her to lose so much of her life.

In another time her and Neal had been close, not intimate but then again when you're friendly rivals intimacy isn't appropriate. She'd been interested, she wouldn't lie about that but Neal had never held his eye on her. She wasn't Kate, and she accepted that with what little respect she had for the girl. Kate left a bad taste in Assunta's mouth and that was really saying something. When Neal and Kate started going out Assunta had told him that he was making a mistake, she'd suggested he find another fish and let that one go but he just couldn't and it had unnerved her.

Perhaps that is why she was so angry about Venice. Kate coming into his life had completely ruined their working relationship, he was so head over heels with Kate that he couldn't see her dangerous qualities. He probably still couldn't see them now, but it was none of her concern. Not anymore. The day that he chose his lover over his business partner it was done, she was done. Now it was pure business, well that was a lie, she couldn't say it was pure business but she wanted it desperately to be about business.

When he opened that door she recognized the change in him, Kate's venomous touch had altered Neal in such a way that it just radiated off him. He looked hollowed out, like someone had taken a tomato corer and cored his heart out. That was the look that love left on someone when it was snatched away. He almost made her hesitate but then his tongue lashed out over his lip and that same old Neal Caffrey appeared. She couldn't let him make his smirk; if he smirked she'd be lost so she squeezed the trigger and watched him fall.

He'd think that this would be easy for her, shooting him like that. Doing what she was needing to do, it wasn't going to be easy. She didn't want to kill him after all, she just had to do what she had to do. It was a job, a job that did offer her revenge and would finally take care of this nasty little thorn in her side. Neal may never understand, but they all had their own part to play in the game.

"Ah, Neal I'm so sorry it came to this but remember the old saying. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you. Fool me three times, and well it isn't your fault really. You couldn't know that I'd be so vengeful after Venice now could you? Pity to have to do this to you and that nice lady downstairs, you really were the right guy. Too bad you made an error in judgment."

"Assunta…I thought you'd rot in jail by now." She pulled back and punched him in the stomach causing him to double over and wheeze. Her stomach tightened at his wheeze, she couldn't say she didn't still care about his well being. She just didn't care quite as much and as hard as she used to.

"Oh I couldn't let you win now could I Neal? As it stands, I'm not going to kill you out right. That'd be too simple for you now wouldn't it? Besides, I love watching you squirm."

When he passed out she sighed and slid the gun in her coat pocket, "Neal if only you could understand what piece of the puzzle you are." With a shake of her head she leaned down and moved to wrap an arm around him, slipping one of his over her shoulders and taking the bulk of his weight onto her body.

She wasn't planning on killing the old lady anyway, just knocking her out with chloroform. She'd leave her on a couch or something and slip Neal out to the car. But first to get him downstairs, that would be the biggest hurdle for her. He was heavy, despite his thin form he still weighed a good ten or so pounds more than her.

The top of the staircase was a hazard, and one she wasn't quite prepared for. She had a hand on the rail and was working the two of the down when he stirred and grabbed at the banister. She lost her grip on him and he tumbled down the stairs to slam onto his side at the base of them. She had started to take the stairs two at a time when she paused seeing June's shadow cross the base of the stairs.

"Damn it." What was she supposed to do? She wasn't supposed to kill Neal, and she really didn't want to kill the old lady so she pulled the gun back out and moved in the slowest manner possible. Maybe she could scare the old woman? She couldn't tell where she was and as her foot hit the creaky step she mentally slapped herself. If the old woman knew the house like she thought she did she was in for it. She took another step and paused, nothing. Another one and still nothing, it wasn't until she stepped down once more that the cane swung upwards at her.

Pain radiated up her jaw before her head hit the stairs, now her head was throbbing and then she landed into Neal which didn't help. She couldn't focus and lights made her head hurt so she slammed her eyes closed, the voices around her were fuzzy at best but she could make out a few words.

"_Neal?"_ So the old woman was still on her own feet that happened to be interesting to some part of her brain at least.

"_Oh dear. Come on Neal, wake up." _She blinked and started to shift, catching the fuzzy form of the old woman moving around Caffrey. She moved something to her head and though she couldn't make it out she figured it was a cell phone. Shifting slightly she slipped her fingers around the gun and in a daze pointed it in the general direction of the woman. Then Caffrey happened, just like he always did. He moved and knocked June down, her bullet going to the high right of the position the woman had previously been in.

She was trying to move and aim at the same time, but in her daze she really couldn't do much. Neal was struggling to his feet and then she felt his hands on her. She tried slapping him away but it wasn't working, she still had her gun for now and she threw the barrel of it at his head but it hit him squarely in his wounded shoulder. He made a croak, and in her defense she was still a bit confused from the fall. She shifted and finally found her feet, gun pointed back at June.

"Neal, I'm not going to kill her if you cooperate." She could taste blood as she spoke and her free hand reached up to slide across her lips. Eww. "I'm here for you, so if you want your friend to live you'll get up and go with me to the car. But, if you want her to have a round through her forehead I can and am more than willing to oblige after that blow." She narrowed her eyes slightly, it made her focus a bit more clear. If he challenged her now she'd lose terribly, one of them could at least see clearly and at that one of them was uninjured. June had the upper hand, and Assunta wasn't too pleased about that.

"Fine." He was shifting, getting to his feet. He was wobbly at best and so she leaned down and handed him the cane that had been used on her.

"Use that and grab the long coat off the rack, it'll cover the blood. Now, let's go." Finally, she had what she needed. Pawn in place, time to go get kinged. When he shuffled off to get the coat she turned towards the old woman and pistol whipped her, after all if she was unconscious she couldn't call the cops. She helped him into the passenger seat of her car and then moved around to the driver's seat, slipping in easily enough. She had watched him carefully, his face was twisted in pain and he'd paled. Perhaps she should check that wound? Biting her lip she looked at him and sighed.

"Open up the coat Neal, let me check the wound out."

"Oh, now you care how nice."

"Stop it. At one time Neal…"

"At one time you wouldn't carry a gun and shoot marks." His eyes narrowed at her and despite herself she felt ashamed of her actions. He always did that to her, no matter what he had this power over her and she hated it. Leaning forward she slipped her hands under the jacket, fingers immediately finding the warm blood trickling from the wound. He gasped and recoiled from her touch and she frowned.

"I didn't mean to get you so good Neal."

"You got me more than once Assunta, I should be used to it by now." His words stung and she cast her eyes downwards for a moment, too long because the next thing she knew his hands were wrapped around her throat. The eyes that locked with her's were not the eyes of the Neal Caffrey she knew in Venice, they were something different. Cold, distant, pained, they were the eyes of someone who had lost something.

She tried to slap at him, to get him off her but he'd pinned her arms under his chest and she couldn't get herself free. She was panicking and she felt the air slowly fading from her body, her head was still throbbing from earlier and now as she was struggling to get free she felt unconsciousness start to claw at her body. It didn't take long for her to pass out; surprisingly Neal was pretty efficient at choking someone. Before she completely faded she heard the car door open and close and she knew that it was the last time she'd see Neal Caffrey.


	5. Chapter 5

Knockin' On Heaven's Door

**Elizabeth's POV**

Well, today didn't go at all how she had planned it. She had planned on going into work but her client called and cancelled and so there was no point in that. So she was puttering around the house which had resulted in her curled up on the sofa with a small tub of ice cream that was already half eaten. She sighed when the cell phone rang but reached out anyway figuring it was Peter.

"Hey honey, I was just thinking about you."

"_El, are you home?" _He sounded freaked out and it caused her to move off the couch quickly.

"Yeah, what's wrong Peter?"

"_Something isn't right with Neal, we're following his anklet and it shows he's going to the house. If he comes to the door, just wait until the unit rolls up. I don't want you taking any chances." _She held her breath at the mention of Neal, she liked the young man and she realized how Peter felt about him. She understood it, he was a remarkable and genuinely good man despite his criminal ways. He had a good heart and if something happened to him under Peter's watch…

"What do you mean taking any chances, Peter its Neal he wouldn't do anything to…" She would trust Neal with her life if she had to, but something about what Peter had said caught her off guard. Why wouldn't he trust the young con? Well, that was obvious but still…

"_I know, just trust me alright?"_

"Alright, I'll call you if he comes to the door." She heard the phone disconnect and she moved to put the ice cream up and make sure everything was locked up tight. Then she turned off the television and took up her place on the staircase so she could watch the door, cell phone in hand.

She was going over the Neal she'd come to know through Peter, the man that was charming and gentle yet at the same time far too distant for someone his age. She let out a breath and rested her chin against her hand, he had something back in his life that had caused him to become so secretive and so untrusting. But that wasn't the problem now. Now the problem was that something was wrong and he hadn't told anyone, he was doing everything alone like he always seemed to think he had to do.

She heard a sound and twisted in the direction of the backdoor, apparently she had been sitting there thinking for a while because it was Peter who unlocked and entered the house.

"Hey honey, nothing yet." She saw him let out a sigh of relief before he sat down next to her on the step. She frowned and reached over to stroke his cheek softly, "What's going on?"

"I don't know El. I got a call from Neal's cell, but there wasn't a response, there was a pop and then the line went dead." He let out a shaky breath and his head slung forward slightly which prompted her to slide her hand from his cheek to his shoulder as the other reached and gripped his chin lightly so she could turn him to face her.

"Hey, it'll be alright Peter. Neal is strong, he's a tough kid and he has you in his corner. Where can he go wrong?" She offered her husband a soft smile, trying to conceal her own worries for him and for their young friend. He couldn't help but crack one of his typical smiles and it made a wave of relief run across her body, she leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to his before resting her forehead against his. "Peter, it'll work out. Don't worry so much."

She wasn't expecting what would happen next, but then again neither was Peter. A shadow crossed their door and both Burkes turned to look at it as it's owner leaned into the frame and offered a weak knock. Peter let out a breath and pulled his service weapon out, dragging a finger over her lips before pointing around the stairs. She took his suggestion and moved silently out of sight and out of weapons fire if it came down to that.

When Peter reached for the door he wasn't greeted by weapons or anything ordinary, he was greeted by a human body collapsing across his feet.


	6. Chapter 6

Knockin' On Heaven's Door

**Peter's Point of View**

He wasn't expecting a body to collapse at his feet and when his brain realized who was laying there his heart sank. He was on his knees in second, his hands had started moving to put the gun down and cradle the young man's head in his lap. "Neal? Hey, come on Neal open your eyes." He heard movement behind him and looked over at his wife with panic in his eyes, "El, its Neal." He could see her terrified look and swallowed hard before looking back to his partner.

The young man was cool and clammy to the touch, he felt a pulse but it was weak and slow. Closing his eyes for a moment he took a breath in on his own before starting to inspect Neal again. His hands slid along the coat then moved to open it, when he saw the amount of blood staining the shirt beneath he drew in a sharp intake of breath. "El! Call an ambulance!" He didn't look over his shoulder to see if she was complying, he figured she would because she cared about as much as he did for Neal.

He could feel the warm liquid coating his fingers and tried desperately not to think about it, his eyes ran over the young man's body quickly and his fingers followed suit. It felt like he had a broken rib or two, his abdomen was soft and warm to the touch which didn't seem like a good thing, he looked like he had gone ten rounds and he knew there was probably more that he couldn't see. Taking another breath he slid his fingers across Neal's forehead brushing his damp hair from his eyes. "Come on Neal, hang in there buddy."

The man in his hands groaned as his eyes fluttered open. The typical bright and dazzling blue eyes were clouded with tiredness and pain, they weren't completely focused either. Looking down into those eyes Peter's stomach sank and he felt a surge of vomit roll up his throat. Thankfully he was able to swallow it back down. "Hey there, you made it Neal. You're here, you just need to hold on alright?"

Neal's eyes shifted in his direction and there was a look of confusion on them before he raised his hand to squeeze Peter's arm. "Peter…?"

"Yeah, it's me Neal."

"June…help…" Peter bit his lip and nodded reaching into his pocket with one hand and pulling out his cell phone.

"Jones, I've got Neal but he's talking about June needing help. Roll by her house and check on her. Let me know what you find. I'm waiting on an ambulance for Caffrey and I'll call you at the hospital when I know something." He didn't wait to hear a response he just hung up and put the phone back in his pocket, "There, June will be alright Neal."

Neal nodded weakly and let out a soft breath as his eyes fluttered closed again. "Neal? Hey! Neal! Come on! Wake up!"


	7. Chapter 7

Knockin' on Heaven's Door

**Neal's POV**

He kept running through how he felt when his fingers wrapped around her throat, he had never been one for violence. He hated it, violence accomplished little but part of him felt better when he tightened his grip against Assunta's neck. On his slow walk towards Peter's house he had a lot to think about.

The man he had been months before wasn't the same man he was now. He heaved a heavy sigh and with his good arm tightened the heavy coat against his body, he was shivering despite the nice weather. It wasn't too terribly cold outside so he knew that this shivering was due to losing blood and he wasn't too happy about that either.

He kept trying to tell himself that he had choked her to survive. That he had done everything today to make it, to ensure that he'd survive for his friends no…for this new found family he had. If someone had asked him a few months ago who his family was he'd have named off a single name. Kate.

Since Venice she had been his family, he'd made the conscious choice to bring her in and make her a permanent fixture in his life. And now, she was gone. In her absence he was able to see so much more, to know he was loved by so many more. She was undoubtedly the love of his life, but she hadn't always been good for him. And Venice was a prime example of that.

He felt dizzy and found a lamp post to lean against, with his stomach churning he bent and threw up the breakfast he'd shared with June. June, oh god he had to get her help. Straightening he ran his good hand across his lips wiping off the remaining pieces of nastiness that were pressed there and started to move a bit faster. He had to get to Peter's house, he had to get to safety, had to get help for June, had to get someone to get Assunta. He just had to.

He'd reasoned out that coming to Peter's house was better than going to the FBI, he only really trusted Peter he wasn't so sure about the entire Bureau but he knew that Peter would protect him and if he could get to Peter's house the anklet would alert him. So he knew that the reinforcements would show up, and he knew Assunta would likely be unable to find him. The further from June he was, the better off she was. He hoped at least.

He knew that he was running out of time, he couldn't pretend that he was alright. And he couldn't pretend that all of this wasn't going to affect him. All he had to do was keep walking and keep alive. If he could make it to Peter's then he would be alright, he'd get help, June would get help, and all of this would be over.

Slowly he started to pick out familiar things, the brownstone of the Burke's wasn't too far off. He could do this. He paused before it and took a moment to gaze at the car he was next to, Elizabeth was home. He didn't want her to see him like this but at least he'd get help, at least he could warn her and get her to get Peter. At least…he wouldn't be alone.

He swallowed as he pushed himself to take the stairs, finally finding the door and leaning into it. He felt like he was swimming and it took all the focus he had to knock lightly at the door. He was feeling far dizzier than before when the door opened so he just kind of flopped onto the feet of someone. He didn't have the strength to look at who the feet belonged to, but he figured whoever it was definitely was a better choice than some alternatives.

He was vaguely aware of being touched, of even being talked to but he felt like he was in a fog. He tried to speak, he really did but nothing came from it. He could pick out something, someone was saying something. They sounded worried, and then they yelled something. Why were they so worried? He was just tired, he'd be alright after a short nap.

Then someone was wiping the hair off his forehead, he had to find out who it was that was being so gentle and was worrying so much. It took everything he had to get his eyes open, but he was still so confused that he couldn't look at the person holding him.

"_Hey there, you made it Neal. You're here, you just need to hold on alright?"_ Kate? Could it be her? But no, it didn't sound like her, they sounded gruffer…harder. He shifted his gaze and finally found the form of Peter Burke. What was Peter doing here? He couldn't believe it, it was probably just his mind playing tricks on him again.

"Peter…?" He had to know, he had to ask right? If he didn't he'd never know and then he could just be going nuts in the doorway of Peter's house. And that would not be cool at all.

"_Yeah, it's me Neal."_ It really was Peter? He tried to focus his eyes and squeezed his arm, yes he was real. If he was real then all of this was real and that meant…

"June…help…" He fought to get those words out, he fought so hard to get them out that he felt the numbness of his extremities spread further in his body. He could see the darkness closing in but he had to hold on. He had to know that Peter would help June.

"_Jones, I've got Neal but he's talking about June needing help. Roll by her house and check on her. Let me know what you find. I'm waiting for an ambulance for Caffrey and I'll call you at the hospital when I know something."_

He nodded the best he could when Peter said that she'd be alright, but he felt that darkness snatching at him roughly and he let out a breath in defense of it. His defense was useless though and he succumbed to the darkness. Part of him could feel hands moving against his chest, something warm against his mouth, but his mind couldn't make sense of it. His senses were dull which was kind of nice considering he couldn't feel the pain anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

Knockin' on Heaven's Door

**Peter's POV**

Peter swallowed hard when Neal nodded, he didn't know why but his stomach dropped and he felt like hurling. But then he realized that it was a reaction to his partner's sudden lack of breathing. In a bit of a panic Peter lowered Neal onto his back and swiftly tipped his head back. He wasn't thinking, he would be happy about that later but in the moment he was just acting. His hands pushed down against Neal's chest in a rhythmic procedure that he had committed to muscle memory through Quantico.

One. Two. Three. His head lowered, hands sliding on either side of Neal's face as he pressed his lips to the young man's and breathed breath into Neal's lungs. One. Two. Three. He could hear the sounds of sirens distantly wailing as he bent down again to breath air into Neal's lungs. Pausing to take a breath he shifted around Neal to check his pulse again, nothing. One. Two. Three.

"Breath Neal! Come on!" He could feel hands on his shoulders but he didn't turn around, he knew they belonged to El. He knew she was trying to calm him down, keep him focused but he only shrugged her off and continued pumping Neal's chest. He could hear shoes and finally a stronger set of hands pulled him back.

By now Peter was out of his own mind, he turned and shoved the hands that had pulled him away from Caffrey. From Neal, his partner…his friend. Rage had filled Peter's eyes and only when his wife stepped in did he calm down enough to realize that the EMTs were working on Neal.

They were hooking up monitors and pulling out paddles, syringes appeared, an iv, things that he couldn't name but had seen at similar crime scenes. Peter had to close his eyes to keep himself under control, he couldn't break down not now not in front of El and not while Neal needed him. With a deep breath Peter swallowed down his anxiety, his fear, his flipping stomach, everything he had going on inside him. He had to swallow it down because he was afraid if he didn't that he'd shatter.

He could feel warm arms wrap around him and he couldn't help but collapsing into her arms, knowing that this was a safe place he just let his head sink into her neck and held her with the same tightness that she held him. In the back ground he could hear the buzzing of the paddles charging, he could feel them moving around without seeing, then the call for clear, and a loud zap. He couldn't look, he couldn't do it, if he looked at the body of Neal then it would be far too real. But, in the roar of everything else he heard one _beep_ it was followed by another.

When he heard the third beep he released his wife and turned gazing down at Neal, his heart was beating even if just barely but it was beating. He let out a breath and his body started into motion again. He could handle this, Neal was alive. The paramedics were moving him to the ambulance and he moved off with them, hoping in the truck without really remembering to say he was going with them. Neal was his partner, his friend, hell he was family.

The ride to the hospital wasn't without the swirl of fear and anxiety that Peter had been feeling since Neal Caffrey crashed onto his feet, but it wasn't anything that Peter couldn't handle. He had hope, no confidence in his friend. The man was strong, he had survived everything with Kate, he'd survived prison, he had survived many close calls, and all of them he had survived by being himself. Peter knew he'd survive this, he couldn't give up now.

They wheeled Neal away into the ER and Peter couldn't help but feel a wave of hopelessness, he couldn't do anything more to help Neal. It was the doctor's turn to help his friend, but he could do his job. Taking a breath he pushed back out the doors and into the cool air. He had to make some phone calls.

"Mozzie?"

"_Who is this?"_

"Moz, it's the suit. Neal's been hurt and I need your help."

"_What do you mean hurt? I told him getting involved with you was a bad idea, the kid never listens always…"_

"Moz, he was shot. This is serious, I need you to listen."

"_Shot?"_

"Yeah Moz, shot. Look, do you know if Neal has any enemies?"

"_A handful yeah, why?"_

"He was shot when he wasn't with me, I don't know much about it but I doubt it has to do with the case we're working on and with…"

"_The Kate mess, yeah hold on let me make a few phone calls to see what's shaking and I'll let you know."_

"Thanks Moz."

"_I'm not doing it for you."_

"I know." The man hung up and Peter sighed again ruffling his hair with one hand, time for the next phone call.

"Jones?"

"_Hey boss, we got June. She's pretty banged up but refusing an ambulance, I'm on my way to City now."_

"Alright, has she said anything?"

"_Yeah, said she had breakfast with Caffrey as normal then went downstairs to do the dishes. While doing them she heard a thumping upstairs then when she was going to investigate Caffrey fell down the stairs. But someone else was there, a woman. I already called the sketch artist and I have two teams canvassing the area to see if anyone matched her description. Apparently she pistol whipped June and that is the last thing she can remember, June was the one that called you but the phone was broken in a struggle."_

"Good work Jones, I'll see you here."

With all his phone calls done all he could do was slip back inside and sit, wait for some news. Some tidbit of information about his friend, he didn't want to accept it but it was all he had right now. El stayed behind, Cruz was on her way to his house to deal with that mess so he was confident she was safe even if he desperately wanted her here with him. When he finally found a chair to sit in he felt all the emotions of the day just slam into him, his face found his hands and he just let it all go. He had to, he couldn't hold all those emotions in, it would be too much for him if he did.

He didn't know how long his face had been in his hands when a soft voice hit his ears, "Sir, are you alright?" He blinked and looked up, a nurse…that made sense.

"Fine." She looked a little confused and folded her arms across her chest.

"Are you waiting for a status update?"

"Yes, on a gunshot victim I came in with."

"Friend or family?"

"Both."

"Name, sir?"

"Agent Peter Burke, the victim was FBI Consultant Neal Caffrey. I'm his friend and partner."

"Give me a moment I'll see what I can find out, um sir. Would you like to clean up?" Clean up? Why would he need to…oh Neal's blood. He swallowed and felt his stomach clench hard as he tried not to remember the feel of Neal's blood against his skin.

"Yes."

"Right this way sir." She led him to an employee bathroom and handed him a towel. "If you'd like I could find a scrub shirt for you."

"Thanks, that would be great."

He slipped inside the bathroom and stood staring at the mirror in disbelief for the longest time, that was him? He swallowed but it didn't help and he felt his stomach give way, he barely made it to the toilet before he started throwing up. He was at it for a while, long enough apparently that the nurse had returned. She rapped on the door lightly.

"Sir? Is everything alright in there?"

"One sec." He wiped his mouth and flushed the toilet before opening the door, her face was a mix of concern and intrigue.

"Sir, are you sure you're alright? I think you should get checked out."

"I'm fine, I wasn't hurt. Just…a bad day."

"I'm sure. Here are a few more towels and a scrub shirt. It will probably be the wrong size, but I hope it works. If not let me know. I'll be at the nurses' station."

"Thank you, again."

"No problem sir." She left and Peter let out another breath, he was a royal mess. Closing the door behind him he took to turning the water on full blast and full heat. He'd burn the blood off if he had to.


	9. Chapter 9

Knockin' on Heaven's Door

**El's POV**

Why? Why wouldn't this blood come off of my hands? Why did it have to be Neal's blood? What was going on? I couldn't answer any of those questions and yet colleagues of Peter were asking me near the same thing. I just…I didn't have any answers. Someone asked something, probably another one of those why questions and I just couldn't take it anymore. My hands slapped down onto my thighs and I threw myself onto my feet with a puff of air.

"I don't know!" It came out as a half snarled shout, but I was so frustrated, so worried, so…not in control. Everyone stopped, I didn't look at them but I could feel their eyes on my flesh, feel the tension in the air as they stopped and wondered if I was a crazy woman. Lauren came up and slid a hand onto my shoulder.

"Come on Mrs. Burke, let's take a break." She directed me to the kitchen where I half melted against the counter, hands finding my face and blocking out the light as well as the other agents.

"Thank you." It is barely a whisper but I had to tell her, had to let her know I wasn't completely inhuman right now.

"You're welcome. I know it is a lot to take in, it's stressful and you're worried enough as it is. Let's just take a moment, would you like some tea?" I didn't voice an answer but apparently I nodded because she started a kettle. "Alright." She handed me a mug and both of us sat down. "How about we try this differently? Tell me what you know."

I swallowed and held the mug with both hands, the warmth from the tea seemed to fill my body and with it my story just rolled out in a steamy wave. "It started like everything seems to start. Just another day in a long line of days, waking up with Peter, getting ready for work, and having breakfast. You know, the normal. Peter left, but I wasn't feeling too hot so I stayed home. At some point Peter called to tell me that Neal hadn't shown up and was on his way to our house. He told me to lock the doors and wait for him. Later he came through the back and startled me a bit, then we heard what sounded like a knock on the door. It was Neal and he was…he…"

Lauren leaned forward and placed her hand on my arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. "That's good, it's alright. We don't need to talk about that. You…ready to go to the hospital?" I swallowed and offered a nod.

It wasn't a long ride, it was silent, but it wasn't long before the hospital loomed before me. It felt like the hospital always did, a cold reminder that something was wrong. Walking through the glass doors took my breath away, the smell of pure oxygen was mixed with a darker smell. It is hard to describe but you smell it in most healthcare facilities, something not entirely clean yet not entirely human.

Peter was sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting room, his face pressed to his hands and his back arched as if he'd been sobbing. He probably he had, God he looked so pained. He was wearing scrubs and he seemed to have gotten most of the blood off of his arms, but they were bright red as if he'd forced the liquid off. I don't think he was expecting me to touch him, to kneel before him and cup his cheeks in my hands, because he jumped and tried to push me away before he realized who I was.

"Peter?" I must have sounded entirely too worried because he seemed to melt, his hands slid across mine and up my arms. He looked like he had been broken, or beaten but definitely not like he normally did. "Peter? Sweetie, talk to me."

He closed his eyes and his head buried further into my hands. I feared the worst, fearing that Neal hadn't made it to the hospital in time. That he was dead, that he had never held the chance to live once he hit our doorstep.

"Who would do this to him, El?" I let out a breath and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to my husband's forehead even as he continued talking. "He was my responsibility, I'm supposed to protect him and this happens…"

I slid my fingers along his cheek, pulling his face up so that our eyes met. "This is not your fault Peter Burke. Do you understand me? You will not blame yourself for this. We'll find out what happened, we'll find out who did this to Neal. And I know that you will do whatever is in your power to bring them to justice, but you will not blame yourself. You can't."

I was going to continue when a doctor came out in surgical scrubs, blood smeared over the sleeves and mask still obscuring their face. "Caffrey?" I let out a breath and stood.

"We're with Neal Caffrey." The doctor nodded and removed the mask.

"We were able to extract as much of the bullet as possible and stop the bleeding. He's in recovery now, but he isn't out of the woods just yet. He took a lot of damage and lost a lot of blood. We'll know more as he recovers but for now he is stable. He'll be moved to the ICU shortly, and until he can take visitors you're welcome to wait in the ICU waiting room. I'll be able to tell you more in a few hours."

I could feel Peter grip my hand like it was going to run off, his grip was tight and near painful but I didn't say anything. I let him pull me against him and bury his head into my neck again, he was crying. I knew without seeing the tears that were silently falling. It wasn't great news, but it was news. News that perhaps Neal still could make it, that perhaps he could still protect his charge and that our friend would be alright. I wrapped my hands around him and pressed my lips to his cheek before he pulled away, still clutching my hand.

"I have to go El," he seemed determined, "I need to talk to Mozzie and get with the team to find out what happened to Neal. Do you think you could stay here?"

"Sweet heart, I wouldn't be caught anywhere else." He slid my hand against his cheek gently then leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "Take care of yourself, I don't need two of you in here."


End file.
